Teacher: “What happened 65 million years ago?”
Student #1: “The dinosaurs died.”
Teacher: “And why did the dinosaurs die?”
Student #2: “Chuck Norris.”
Always Weed Out Google Searches
(I am a Grade 4 and Grade 5 French teacher. I am doing a mini-lesson on things the kids might see outside.)
Me: “Sun is ‘le soleil,’ clouds are ‘les nudges,’ and the sky is ‘le ciel.’”
Student: “How do you say ‘grass?’”
Me: “Hm. You know what? I don’t remember offhand. Let’s look it up.”
(I encourage any student to look up words they don’t know, and have made no secret that there are words I don’t know or forget. So I quickly Google it and respond.)
Me: “Grass is ‘l’herbe!’ There we go.”
(Fast forward about three months. I am sitting in my office preparing a lesson, and creating a word search.)
Me: “… nuage, ciel, arbre… grass… grass… What was ‘grass’ again?”
(I Google, and I find ‘le gazon.’ Confused for a moment, I look a little more thoroughly, and then, to my combined amusement and horror, I figure out my mistake.)
Me: *to my colleague* “So apparently three months ago I taught the kids a French street term for ‘Marijuana.’”
Read more funny stories at NotAlwaysLearning.com!:
(Source: notalwayslearning.com)
I put my soul in what I do, and while I’m still here I’ll dance with you
because sometimes, dancing is all you gotta do.
Black Magic is a 20” x 20” illustration, more at www.jamesreads.com
Bedside Mind Your Manners
(I’ve just had my appendix out and am only due to stay three days but I’m experiencing such severe pain that I can’t get out of my hospital bed.)
Doctor #1: “Okay you can pack up, you’re going home today.”
(I’m so excited to go home that I try and ignore the pain. An elderly nearby patient over hears my cries of pain.)
Elderly Patient: “Nurse! There’s something wrong with that girl.”
Nurse: “Are you okay? Can you stand?”
(I try to stand but double over again in pain.)
Me: *crying* “I can’t… my stomach hurts too much.”
Nurse: “You won’t be going home today. Pop back into bed, and I’ll get one of the doctors.”
(I get into bed and fall asleep. I awake to someone shaking me.)
Doctor #1: “I thought I told you to go home. We need these beds for other people.”
Me: “My stomach hurts too much.”
Doctor #1: “Of course it hurts. You’ve just had an operation on your stomach. Now get up! We need your bed.”
(I get out of bed and try to get dressed, but I’m in so much pain that I end up falling to the floor and I can’t get up. The elderly patient next to me starts pushing the nurse call button. The nurse runs into the room.)
Nurse: “Oh my God! Did you fall off of the bed?”
Elderly Patient: “No! That little rat of a doctor told her to get out of bed and go home.”
(The nurse runs out of the room and comes back a few seconds later with another doctor who helps lift me back onto my bed.)
Doctor #2: “What on earth happened?”
(The nurse and elderly patient explain to Doctor #2 what happened. He runs out into the hall and we can hear shouting for a few minutes until he comes back in with Doctor #1.)
Doctor #1: “She’s just being lazy! We need that bed”!
Doctor #2: “Obviously anyone in that much pain has something wrong with them!”
Doctor #1: “WE NEED THAT BED!” *storms out*
(After a full day of testing, they find out that fluid had built up where they removed my appendix. I stay in hospital for another two weeks on various pain killers and antibiotics. At the end of the two weeks, Doctor #1 comes up to my bed.)
Doctor #1: *avoids eye contact* “You can go home now.”
Me: “Considering what happened last time, I think I’ll wait for someone else to tell me I can go home.”
(I found out from the nurse later that he had been reported for trying to get other patients to leave the hospital early to improve his patient numbers in the hospital.)
Read more funny stories at NotAlwaysWorking!:
(Source: notalwaysworking.com)
May We Speak In Private
(I’m a teacher supervising a group of senior high school students doing a first aid course.)
Trainer: “Now, what would you do if someone was choking?”
Student: “Ooh, I know this one! You give them the hymen remover!”
Read more funny stories at NotAlwaysLearning.com!:
(Source: notalwayslearning.com)
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(My awesome Viking History professor often has Middle Ages-reenactors who attend his class just to listen to him teach. On one occasion, he and five students decide to go to the ‘Steak and Ale’, a restaurant, in armor and long medieval gowns. The server is quite surprised at how they are dressed, and isn’t quite […]
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http://notalwaysright.com/food-for-thor-t/29077
